i am sick of this constant sadness. i am honestly miserable. i don't even understand it. i think it's because lately i really hate myself, more so than usual. not just my personality but, my appearance too. i just fucking hate every inch of me. i want to feel happy and beautiful again. i want to be dead.
i officially despise myself. there is no detail about myself that i like. but then again, i don't care about myself. i don't mean to sulk and seem like a negative fuck but i dunno, i can't help how i feel. i hate the fact that my mum thinks i'm doing all this 'self-hate' for attention. she wouldn't even know about how much i hated myself if she did not go through my tumblr. i don't talk or even give a hint of how much i truly cannot stand myself in real life. in real life i can smile and laugh and act as if everything is fine. i guess, tumblr and this blog is my vent and i do not care if a stranger knows about how i really feel. i do not care about them, they do not care about me, so i can write whatever i want. last night my mum asked what's wrong with me and i just told her nothing. nothing is wrong with me. i am just like everyone else really. hardly anyone these days likes their self. there is so much angst and self-pity in this world. and even i, admit that hating myself and feeling so miserable is my own childish fault. but it's hard to grow up and get over myself. i guess it's because i'm a lazy shit. maybe. i know one day i will though. one day i will harden the fuck up and get over my pathetic self. just hope it's soon, i spose.