☽should i kill myself or have another coffee☾

fuck everything

2011-03-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

at the moment all i like is weed, porn, ps3, odd future and alcohol.

man.

i dunno.

i need a productive hobby or s/t.

fuck

2011-03-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

i am sick of this constant sadness. i am honestly miserable. i don't even understand it. i think it's because lately i really hate myself, more so than usual. not just my personality but, my appearance too. i just fucking hate every inch of me. i want to feel happy and beautiful again. i want to be dead.

rashes are fucked

2011-03-05T00:40:00.000-08:00

my whole body is covered in a rash and it's itchy and shit. fucking sucks. oh well, i am currently content and lastnight all i did was get stoned with chloe and luke. yeah.

got bored so i dew some things. yeah.

2011-02-15T20:06:00.001-08:00

2011-02-15T16:48:00.000-08:00

i officially despise myself. there is no detail about myself that i like. but then again, i don't care about myself. i don't mean to sulk and seem like a negative fuck but i dunno, i can't help how i feel. i hate the fact that my mum thinks i'm doing all this 'self-hate' for attention. she wouldn't even know about how much i hated myself if she did not go through my tumblr. i don't talk or even give a hint of how much i truly cannot stand myself in real life. in real life i can smile and laugh and act as if everything is fine. i guess, tumblr and this blog is my vent and i do not care if a stranger knows about how i really feel. i do not care about them, they do not care about me, so i can write whatever i want. last night my mum asked what's wrong with me and i just told her nothing. nothing is wrong with me. i am just like everyone else really. hardly anyone these days likes their self. there is so much angst and self-pity in this world. and even i, admit that hating myself and feeling so miserable is my own childish fault. but it's hard to grow up and get over myself. i guess it's because i'm a lazy shit. maybe. i know one day i will though. one day i will harden the fuck up and get over my pathetic self. just hope it's soon, i spose.

2011-02-11T21:14:00.000-08:00

brought a new bed and pretty underwear today.

2011-02-11T01:07:00.000-08:00

from my rotting body, flowers shall grow and i am in them and that is eternity

2011-02-10T01:56:00.000-08:00

i want to sleep a lot. i want to fuck a lot. i want to fall in love and stay up late every night. i want to laugh till i cry. get stoned. get drunk. then i want to die when i'm 20. i cannot imagine me growing up, having a 'normal' life. study, work, breed, raise, die. no thankyou. the thought of that does not appeal to me one bit. saying that probably makes me seem immature and stupid but really, i do not care one bit for a life like that. i really just want to live whilst i'm young, i want to be happy and and just enjoy every little thing. the idea of a normal mediocre life depresses me.

but whatever. lyf sux den u die.

2011-02-09T01:49:00.000-08:00

i feel weird tonight

2011-02-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

last night was pretty good. so sleepy now though. probably won't end up going to school, again.

2011-02-07T19:59:00.000-08:00

no one understands my love for this man oh my god he is perfect. can we all just have a moment to stare at his beauty.

2011-02-07T18:48:00.000-08:00

had a fight with mum today. accidently punched her in the face because she slapped me, i guess it was a reflex. i don't know. i completely broke down afterwards though. i just sat in the corner of my room, stuck my earphones in my ear, put nirvana on and turned it up as far as it would go and cried my eyes out. mum came in and said some things but i couldn't hear her and then she just ran to me and wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the top of the head.

i need to sort myself out.

I stare at myself in the mirror and I think, 'Wow, I'm really great-looking.'... I think I'm the greatest, anyway. - Iggy Pop

2011-02-06T05:55:00.000-08:00

watching romeo + juliet, it's so good. depressing though.

2011-02-06T02:25:00.000-08:00

just watched The Shining and it was a really great film. put together really well. books are usually better then the movies though, so i'm going to read the book when i get around to it. hopefully that will make the ending of the movie make more sense, i'm still a bit confused about it. but all in all, i enjoyed it.

2011-02-05T21:17:00.000-08:00

2011-02-05T21:07:00.000-08:00

today is a shit day. even though i only just woke up at 2pm. it's hot and gross and i'm just sitting in my room drinking coke zero and feeling like shit. i really can't wait till winter, everything is better in winter. makes me wish i lived in like.. england or someshit. that'd be neat-o.

oh, and my tomb raider download isn't working because it's a shit head. so, i've decided to buy the 1-6 set off of ebay, boo-yah. my life is oh so exciting.

i'm also buying a rat next weekend even though mum told me not to and if i get one she'll drown it. whatever bitch, i don't go to school and i kill people, i do what i want. but seriously, i want a rat and i'll just hide it in my room or someshit.

wow, this post has been pointless. bye.

2011-02-05T08:42:00.000-08:00

2011-02-05T08:37:00.000-08:00

just watched shutter island, safe to say it's my new favourite movie. i was bored half way through and i didn't know what the fuck was going on and then near the end, well, just wow - my mind exploded. fuck, incredibly well put together. not a movie i will forget in a very, very long time. i don't know why it took me so long to see it. i love leonardo dicaprio, ever since i saw titanic when i was like.. 8 (no shame man, no shame). but yeah. great A++++++ film.

oh and, somehow someone on tumblr found my bum picture, lol.

2011-02-05T04:44:00.001-08:00

2011-02-05T02:54:00.000-08:00

hate being lonely but hate being with people

2011-02-05T01:52:00.000-08:00

i hate the overwhelming feeling of being completely and utterly alone. like, i try to push that thought to the back of my head most of the time but sometimes when i pick up my phone and realise i have no one to just call up and have a talk to, i sink into the realisation and well.. it sucks ass.

usually, i'm fine with it. i'm usually fine with having one bestfriend whom i see every two months or so.

it's probably my own sulky fault though, i cannot stand when people try to get close to me. i push everyone away as soon as i start to get attached, even when it's not in an romantic sense, just friends. i don't know.. sometimes i think i have trust issues and that is why i cannot maintain any friendship, i simply don't trust them. not in a way that they would run off and do something, or not tell me something important, in a way that when they say "you're beautiful, i'm glad we're friends" or something along those lines i don't believe them at all.

i can take compliments from complete strangers but not people who actualbly claim they 'care' for me. maybe that's because strangers aren't usually trying to suck up your ass, they're usually genuine because they will more than likely never see me again.

oh well, i have my cat and the internet. i'll survive fine with just that. i don't need anybody, it'd just be nice, i guess.

2011-02-05T01:08:00.000-08:00

sitting in my room by myself on a saturday night wearing my fangtasia true blood shirt and playing tomb raider. i don't know. it sounds like a night well spent to me. i got invited out to go see some friends and get drunk and probably laid but i much prefer the company of my cat and the internet.

2011-02-05T00:48:00.000-08:00

well, this is my new blog and shit. i probably won't be posting as many pictures on this as tumblr but expect more selfies. this is more as a journal, will be saying what's up with my life and what not. i will probably be a depressing little shit somedays so yeah.. expect that.

but yeah. whatever. hey.