i officially despise myself. there is no detail about myself that i like. but then again, i don't care about myself. i don't mean to sulk and seem like a negative fuck but i dunno, i can't help how i feel. i hate the fact that my mum thinks i'm doing all this 'self-hate' for attention. she wouldn't even know about how much i hated myself if she did not go through my tumblr. i don't talk or even give a hint of how much i truly cannot stand myself in real life. in real life i can smile and laugh and act as if everything is fine. i guess, tumblr and this blog is my vent and i do not care if a stranger knows about how i really feel. i do not care about them, they do not care about me, so i can write whatever i want. last night my mum asked what's wrong with me and i just told her nothing. nothing is wrong with me. i am just like everyone else really. hardly anyone these days likes their self. there is so much angst and self-pity in this world. and even i, admit that hating myself and feeling so miserable is my own childish fault. but it's hard to grow up and get over myself. i guess it's because i'm a lazy shit. maybe. i know one day i will though. one day i will harden the fuck up and get over my pathetic self. just hope it's soon, i spose.
I've just read what you've blogged on blogspot. Sorry if I write something bad, I'm not used in writing in English a lot, I'm Italian. I read that you don't care if a stranger knows about how you really feel. I understand it. I'm writing to you only to give you a message (and I know that you might never respond to this message): find someone who makes you feel loved. Find a boyfriend who really loves you. Find someone who knows your situation and don't commiserate you but try to understand you. I've done this 5 years ago with a girl that I've really loved, I was going to merry her, I really loved her. To help her I had studied a lot her situation and tried everey day to make her felt better. (She was anoressic). For one year I plaied the role of a cigarette filter and helped her, and when my job was finished she trashed me away. It may seem a sado thing but even today I know that I've done the right choice. I spent 2 year to forget her and I realized that if you really loved someone you cannot really forget him/her, but now I live well and I don't have any sort of problem. But the most important thing is that even her now is living well and she's happy! From that day to today I helped other girls in Italy, even by using a pc with internet. I never met them. I only met one, but because now we are friends. And I'm not saying that I want to help you... You don't want to be helped. But I'm telling you this: FIND SOMEONE WHO TRULY LOVES YOU. When you'll accept of being loved from one person you'll learn to open yourself to others, and you may find more than one person that loves you. Ok, hypocrites are everywhere, but if you don't try in anything, you'll reach nothing. I hope you read me and understand what I'm writing...
I've just read what you've blogged on blogspot. Sorry if I write something bad, I'm not used in writing in English a lot, I'm Italian.
ReplyDeleteI read that you don't care if a stranger knows about how you really feel. I understand it. I'm writing to you only to give you a message (and I know that you might never respond to this message): find someone who makes you feel loved. Find a boyfriend who really loves you. Find someone who knows your situation and don't commiserate you but try to understand you. I've done this 5 years ago with a girl that I've really loved, I was going to merry her, I really loved her. To help her I had studied a lot her situation and tried everey day to make her felt better. (She was anoressic). For one year I plaied the role of a cigarette filter and helped her, and when my job was finished she trashed me away. It may seem a sado thing but even today I know that I've done the right choice. I spent 2 year to forget her and I realized that if you really loved someone you cannot really forget him/her, but now I live well and I don't have any sort of problem. But the most important thing is that even her now is living well and she's happy! From that day to today I helped other girls in Italy, even by using a pc with internet. I never met them. I only met one, but because now we are friends. And I'm not saying that I want to help you... You don't want to be helped. But I'm telling you this: FIND SOMEONE WHO TRULY LOVES YOU. When you'll accept of being loved from one person you'll learn to open yourself to others, and you may find more than one person that loves you. Ok, hypocrites are everywhere, but if you don't try in anything, you'll reach nothing.
I hope you read me and understand what I'm writing...
Bye!