got bored so i dew some things. yeah.

i officially despise myself. there is no detail about myself that i like. but then again, i don't care about myself. i don't mean to sulk and seem like a negative fuck but i dunno, i can't help how i feel. i hate the fact that my mum thinks i'm doing all this 'self-hate' for attention. she wouldn't even know about how much i hated myself if she did not go through my tumblr. i don't talk or even give a hint of how much i truly cannot stand myself in real life. in real life i can smile and laugh and act as if everything is fine. i guess, tumblr and this blog is my vent and i do not care if a stranger knows about how i really feel. i do not care about them, they do not care about me, so i can write whatever i want. last night my mum asked what's wrong with me and i just told her nothing. nothing is wrong with me. i am just like everyone else really. hardly anyone these days likes their self. there is so much angst and self-pity in this world. and even i, admit that hating myself and feeling so miserable is my own childish fault. but it's hard to grow up and get over myself. i guess it's because i'm a lazy shit. maybe. i know one day i will though. one day i will harden the fuck up and get over my pathetic self. just hope it's soon, i spose.

brought a new bed and pretty underwear today.

from my rotting body, flowers shall grow and i am in them and that is eternity

i want to sleep a lot. i want to fuck a lot. i want to fall in love and stay up late every night. i want to laugh till i cry. get stoned. get drunk. then i want to die when i'm 20. i cannot imagine me growing up, having a 'normal' life. study, work, breed, raise, die. no thankyou. the thought of that does not appeal to me one bit. saying that probably makes me seem immature and stupid but really, i do not care one bit for a life like that. i really just want to live whilst i'm young, i want to be happy and and just enjoy every little thing. the idea of a normal mediocre life depresses me.

but whatever. lyf sux den u die.

i feel weird tonight